Tell Me Lies

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Chapter 1:
Since the New Year started, I’ve been listening a lot more to my favorite band, Fleetwood Mac. I grew up in a household with a record player and my parents had a lot of great records: Steve Miller, the Doobie Brothers, Hall and Oats, and of course Fleetwood Mac.

Chapter 2:
My biological father was not really a super great guy. While his intentions might have been good, he treated the people around him (especially those who loved him most) quite horribly. He threatened my mom and when I was older I discovered tapes of phone calls (yes, they were actual tapes) my mom had recorded as evidence in case anything ever happened.

Chapter 3:
When I was older (I think around 5 or 6) I was fortunate enough to have my step-dad adopt me from my biological father and that is who I refer to as my dad.

Chapter 4:
When I would sit and listen to Fleetwood Mac as a pre-teen on the record player, the song “Tell Me Lies,” always made me think of my biological father. I strongly believe that because of this experience, I have this odd and relatively annoying ability to sniff out people with selfish intentions, toxicity and narcissism. It’s also not great because combined with my other odd and relatively annoying skill of being a truth-teller, it’s not uncommon for me to be disliked by people who fall into this category.

Chapter 5:
What I’ve always been fascinated by, since this experience at a young age, is how everyone has different ranges of what a lie is. On the surface, it seems obvious – a lie is something that isn’t true. But as we know, everyone’s perspective determines what their truth is.

Chapter 6:
I’ve referenced this book before and it’s available in the Streamline library. The Four Agreements has a very specific definition of honesty. Brian (my husband) read this book recently and actually adapted this portion of the book as one of his New Year’s resolutions. The Four Agreements include one agreement, called:

Be Impeccable with Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

From my perspective, the most important part – and one of the most difficult parts when we’re challenged by those who don’t – is to Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

I truly believe if every person made the promise to use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love, we would live in a much more harmonious and positive world. If you read the book, you’ll also know that the 4th agreement is to always do your best. The point is that we don’t have to be perfect at being impeccable with our word, but if we’re constantly trying our best to be impeccable with our word, we are succeeding.

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The Construct of Time

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As we are in the thick of the holiday season, our clients are busy, we’re busy doing work for them, we’re busy with social events and travel and family functions. Over the next couple of weeks, things will start to slow down and as is natural every year, the New Year will come and it will be a time for reflection and goal setting. I was fortunate to have a 5-6 hour flight to and from Hawaii last week without wifi and one of the things I did during that time was make a list of some of the things I want to accomplish in 2018. Some of them are destinations, some of them are means and slight tweaks to my way of life.

One of the things that always comes up in conversations between Brian and I is being conscious about how much time we have for ourselves together and for ourselves individually. We consciously try to “slow down” and take time to celebrate, have fun and relax.
I was speaking with my business coach yesterday and telling her about this and she asked me how I feel about that in my gut. It’s funny because my brain says “Lacie, you should really slow down. Maybe you shouldn’t have something scheduled at every minute of every day.” Side note, it’s not really THAT bad. But I’m a busy person, sometimes I commit to too much and my general attitude is that life is short and I want to live it to the fullest. All. The. Time.
So, my response to Max was that in my gut, I don’t really want to slow down. I secretly (and not so secretly now) love how busy my life is. I very seldom feel out of control or stressed out by it. I do take time (and I feel like a good amount of it) to be with the ones I love the most. I take time for myself. Brian and I go out quite a bit together. Every once in awhile the world tells me to stop and chill out and I have to listen to that. So mostly, my goal is to prevent the world from getting to that point with me.
This brings me to something I read about awhile ago in The Big Leap, Einstein Time. You can read all the details about Einstein Time in this summary from Hendricks. Essentially, we have a construct in our minds that time is a thing that is given to us, which we must work within and we do not have any control over it. This construct manifests within us as stress, when we feel like we “don’t have enough time” to get things done. We have a social habit of blaming things on time, rather than taking responsibility for time.
The solution to this nagging problem for so many of us is to change our perspective and remove that construct. If we believe we are the creators of time and that we choose how we spend our time, that will free us from the stress of it. Secondly, it’s our responsibility to mentally focus on the event we are presently participating in. Doing so ultimately allows us to feel as if time is slowing down and we become hyper-productive, both in a work setting and in a personal setting. If we can stop thinking about the next thing we have to do and focus on the thing we are currently doing, we begin to control time. One of the most tactical ways Hendrick’s recommends controlling time is to change the way we talk about time. Rather than saying “I don’t have time for,” we can say “I haven’t prioritized this,” or “I haven’t made time for this quite yet.”
It’s a little bit of an abstract theory and I think this video does a nice job explaining it. For further information, refer to his book as well.

Truth Versus Reality

Yesterday I heard a segment on NPR that really got me thinking and I thought it was worth sharing. The main question that was asked and answered that was particularly fascinating to me was, “how is truth different than reality?”

The journalist, Brooke Gladstone, talks about it in her book and her answer is that the truth are facts, things that are proven. Reality, however, incorporates truth, but truth could really only make up 25% of our own reality. We all take our experiences, influences, and perspectives and apply that to facts we digest, which ultimately determines our reality. We all have different realities that we live in and some of ours are closer to some than others.
Brooke Gladstone applies this concept to the current political environment, but it can also be applied to partner marketing quite easily. It’s not uncommon for there to be a difference of reality between us, the partners we work with or our clients. Understanding the whole context of what makes up their reality often helps overcome the disparity, which is also something that Brooke urged listeners to do. Listening to people and understanding what is shaping their reality is crucial to solving problems and differences.
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